i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
