Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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