I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
