tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
