What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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