Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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