I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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