dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
