i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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