She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
