Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
