I forgot how hot balto sounded
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The beer is more important than you right now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
