I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
