Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
