The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
