It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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