Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
