if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
