gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
