So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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