Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
