I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
