Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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