I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
