Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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