i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
