Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
