I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
