If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
