youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
