Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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