someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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