There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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