the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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