you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
