I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
