we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
