could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
