You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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