yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
