people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
