Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
