dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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