Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
