I think I am morally bankrupt
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
