You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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