If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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