its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
