I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
