apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
